Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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