i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
