so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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