What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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