Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
