We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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