Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
