My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
