sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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