The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
