meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize