Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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