Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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