I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
