Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
