Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
