I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
