Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
