he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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