I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
