I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
