If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize