I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
