I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize