I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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