Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
