Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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