i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
