but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
