glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am one with the molecules
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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