He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We were destined to go to rehab together
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
