Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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