State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
