The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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