I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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