The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
