I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
