Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
