my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize