Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you win again, gameday.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
