your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
