next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
