I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
