i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the day after is always just damage control
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pants are for mortals
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
