he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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