so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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