You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
