you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just invented taco cereal.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize