Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
