It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize