So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
