I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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