I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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