You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
