at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
