Princesses don't give blow jobs
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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