mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
