So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
