"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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