I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
