You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
