Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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