Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
