I'm really into asian looking animals
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
