my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
