I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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