Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
