come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
