You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
