I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
