weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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