I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
