i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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