Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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