i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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