how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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