He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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