Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
